This is a busy month in my family. We have two birthdays (both milestones), we celebrate Easter, I have an out-of-town gem show to attend, I’m getting ready for a yard sale, AND Mothers Day jewelry business promos! Now somewhere in there I have to… clean house, keep my (almost) sixteen year old son on the straight and narrow path, not to mention the two daughters who need “Mama”, do tons of yard work, catch an Armadillo, (you read right, an Armadillo) and make jewelry.
It’s Ten PM, I wonder to myself “Why am I so tired?” then , if when walking by it, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror , I remember…I’m not so young anymore. I’m not talking Methuselah here, I’m only 50. However; the past year being what it was, learning to live with that word-widow, and the fact that I went back to school, ramped up my business, have a 75-year-old house and three kids all going in different directions, I have aged some.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about my age! I’m pretty healthy (still have my teeth and almost everything else!) I do Zumba, watch my weight, those kinds of things. And I’m not totally falling apart- Although some parts of me have headed south. Gravity, who’d have thunk? But I don’t THINK like I’m older. Do you know what I mean? In my head I’m still the same old me that has always been here. Sure, time and life have molded me some, but inside I still feel like, well, like me. But when I look in the mirror…I don’t really see me!
I see an “older” woman . One who never gets carded when buying wine. One who is too old for younger fashions but too young for granny clothes. Which, incidentally, in my town is all there is! Juniors Dept and Senior fashions!!! No middle ground for this burg… Am I the only one who has this dilemma? I can’t imagine I am. Do we all just wake up one day and realize were getting older? Wouldn’t it be better if it happened more gradually? Sort of like phases- a little jump forward every so many years- instead of realizing it all at once. I think it would have made this epiphany so much easier for me.
So, I sleep less, remember less, and for the most part, grumble less. I work more, read more, hope more, and am definitely more grateful than I ever thought I could be. Grateful for a good life with a wonderful best friend/husband, wild and wacky kids to keep me on my toes, a house that breaks daily so I never lack for projects, friends I can count on, a big sister who is the best business partner I could ask for, for God who sees me through, and for just being here.
I’d like to be younger, but I’m not, I’m 50. It’s tough to face that fact but I’ll get over it eventually. So for today, I’ve got two birthdays to plan and a whole ton of other stuff I gotta do, including playing cat and mouse with an Armadillo! I’ll do the best that I can with the person on the inside and tell the mirror to take a hike!